The Intense "I Am Bored Panic" And How To Help
For years my youngest has had big meltdowns when she has felt bored. Boredom can come immediately after finishing something else & is felt so intensely that the whole family would be sent into a panic
It is relatively recently that I have understood where many of my youngest’s home based meltdowns have been coming from. I am a little frustrated that I didn’t understand this earlier but I always trust in the timing of things and of understanding, so I am not wasting time regretting this but it does mean that I really want to share it with you in case you are struggling with this too. So many of Rudi’s meltdowns at home have been triggered by an intense feeling of being bored, even when, or perhaps especially when, she has just finished doing something she has enjoyed.
These meltdowns have made so many weekends and holidays really challenging for all of us, and it’s made me feel so sad that it’s the time that Rudi’s been looking forward to but when it comes she hasn’t been able to enjoy it, and we have all experienced the huge frustrated energy. It is only recently that I have found the weekends to be calmer and more enjoyable for all of us. I think this shift has been a combination of these things :
Understanding of what is happening : This always helps me. The more curious I am, the more I’m able to step back from the situation and all the emotion, and understand what is happening in the brain. I am pretty sure that it’s Rudi’s ADHD that triggers this boredom panic. Just that piece of knowledge alone was huge step for me in supporting Rudi with this. I have also been able to understand that just because we have only just finished an activity and hardly taken a breath, it doesn’t mean that the boredom panic can’t set in immediately. This has always been tricky for me to get my head around but now I’ve understood it, I am ready for it. I don’t take it personally. It’s not a reflection on how good or bad the previous activity was. As a parent that’s important to understand and remember! Rudi lives completely in the now and now she is bored.
Talking to your child about why it happens : Once I have understood why something is happening then I can share that with my children. When we have huge emotions erupting inside of us it can be scary and overwhelming. When we have an understanding of why we might be feeling like it, we can add words, we can tell people about it, we can find ways to calm down the emotions. We can also start to call out the emotion when it begins before it gets too huge.
Planning activities in advance : This is something I have shared a few times before and you can read about my activity baskets on All Sorts of Lovely These don’t always work for Rudi but the more activities I can easily put my hands on or suggest the better. I find that if I share the activities with her earlier in the day, she knows what’s easily available for her and now she is a bit older and has the knowledge of her boredom panics, she is able to make use of the activities before a meltdown begins. Lists in words and/or pictures of activities are great too. Pop one on the fridge for your child with things you know they enjoy doing on it. You can remind them it’s there at the beginning of the day and if a panic sets in, you can refer them back to the list. I know that my voice isn’t always helpful but a list can be.
Holding my own energy and weekend vision : It is so important to honour your need for a weekend or holiday too. It might be that you have to package your weekend wishes into just half an hour but be intentional with this. Get up early if you need to and do something that represents the weekend for you. If you have a partner then give each other an hour (or more!) at the weekend to do something for you. This helps so very much.
Remembering this is the season we are in : And finally, this is always a game changer for me. This is the season you are in. This is not forever. When I think back to weekends this time last year, I can see a huge positive change and shift in the energy and the challenges. I know there will be plenty more challenges ahead but those too will be seasons, not forevers.
So much great advice here, I love the concept of honouring your weekend wishes, even if it is just an hour or two