Changing the way we do life together...and apart
Towards the end of last year my husband and I decided to try an experiment around the way that we live. Lots of things were working in our relationship and lots of things weren't.
Being the creative couple that we are, we decided to think differently about solutions to the parts of our relationship that weren’t working and to really dig into what is was that we both needed in our lives. A few serendipitous things happened during this time, which led us to the decision for Stef to move to Lisbon, Portugal and to live and work there for half the time, while I stayed here in Somerset, UK with our children and dogs.
We are now three months into this new way of living together and apart, and I don’t think either of us could ever have predicted how amazing it would be for our relationship. Doing something so big, that involves so much trust, means that you have to have such a high level of communication and openness. For us, this has led us to creating what feels like, in some ways, a brand new relationship but one where there is almost two decades of history and connection. Our love for each other is so much deeper and stronger. It is a really beautiful thing. It was a joy to finally share it on Instagram this week and to receive so many lovely comments and direct messages.
Of course there are so many elements to this and one of the biggest is that I’m literally left with our children for half the time, while Stef is completely free to have a whole lot of fun and a lot of adventures. His social life is booming and I’m here holding everything to enable him to do this.
Imbalanced, wonky, unfair…? Perhaps yes and I could easily lost myself in waves of resentment and poor me doom and gloom. Or, I could celebrate and enjoy what this also gives me. If you’ve followed me for any length of time you will know that after a few wobbles (and major moments of meltdown!), I am now completely embracing the space that I have when he is away.
I will be sharing lots more about this over the next few weeks and months…and probably years. This is not a short term plan by the way or a forever plan but more a kind of 5-10 year ish type of plan. We can never really predict what is coming can we? However, that feels about right for where we are at right now. But as it’s the beginning of Spring today, I wanted to share a few things I’m really holding and celebrating for myself right now.
I LOVE being a mother and I LOVE being at home with my children. Yes, Stef might be off having adventures but I’m exactly where I am super happy to be.
My children are now all really independent, so as well as being at home with them, I am also able to explore doing lots of things for myself. Living in Frome means there are things on all the time that I enjoy going to from yoga to sound baths, from sacred singing circles to ecstatic dance on a Friday night. I am literally spoilt for choice and it’s all on my doorstep too. Handy when you don’t drive!
I really cherish time on my own and as a busy mother of four I don’t always get all the alone time that I need, so I actually really love the balance between beautiful intentional time with Stef when he is here, and beautiful intentional time with myself when he’s away.
I am never short of ideas of things I want to create and do….and now I have some extra time to make stuff happen. This really, really excites me, especially as I know that when my creativity is in flow, my energy expands and anything and everything becomes possible.
I am going to get to enjoy Portugal too and can’t wait for my first weekend in Lisbon next month!
Finally, this may be Stef’s time for adventure but that doesn’t mean my time isn’t coming at the right time. I have actually started a Trip to India jar, so that I can add to it on days I’m struggling or on days I am celebrating, and have a visual reminder that I can create space for adventures of my own too.
It feels so, so good to finally be able to write again. When something so big is happening in your life that you want to write about but can’t yet, it can feel like you can’t write about anything else either, especially when you are someone who has always shared about her life. I don’t share everything by the way, just a healthy amount of sharing in a way that supports me and others on their own journeys through life.
Lots more coming soon as I capture these beautiful Spring energies that are so aligned with my renewed relationship! x
All that matters is what works for you and your family. The more different ways of living are shared the more we all understand there are different ways to do everything! x
So lovely reading this. We are also, as you know, doing things differently… and I’ve also been quite amazed by the romance that has flooded in with some space and distance. I was worried we’d drift but actually, I feel we’re so much closer. I’m so pleased this is turning out well for you xx